Deborah Sickle Hill

Tag: mental health

  • Understanding and Fighting Trauma Triggers

    Understanding Triggers: PTSD, Trauma, and the Unexpected Connections

    By: Deborah Hill LCSW (Ret.)

    I’ve heard it said that death begets death. In other words, when you’re grieving—or helping someone who is—past losses often come rushing back. Old funerals, lingering memories, and unhealed wounds rise to the surface, uninvited.

    The same is true with trauma. When someone is navigating severe trauma, another person’s trauma can feel like a mirror, unexpectedly reflecting their own. That’s why I often advise my clients to be cautious with news broadcasts and certain TV shows or films. Until you’ve identified your own trauma triggers, you may unknowingly stumble into a scene too similar to your lived experience, and suddenly you’re not watching a story—you’re reliving your own.

    It’s tempting to think trauma triggers are obvious: Such as someone saying, “I experienced child abuse, so I’ll avoid media that deals with abuse.” But trauma imprints itself in the brain like a four-dimensional movie camera, recording not just the event but sights, smells, sounds, body sensations—even the temperature of the room. The obvious isn’t always what sets you off.

    .This is what makes living with PTSD so complex. Learning to recognize how trauma affects the brain is step one. Learning your own unique triggers is step two. From there, you begin the work of managing those triggers, lessening their power, and understanding your limits. Most importantly, you learn never to give up—not on your healing, and not on yourself.

    What To Do When You’re Triggered

    1. Ground Yourself.
    Take a mental roll call. Where are you? Who’s with you? Are you safe? Tell your brain: I’m in my living room. The curtains are green. I’m drinking Lemon Zinger tea. It may seem silly, but it sends your brain the message: This is now, not then.

    2. It’s Okay to Be Triggered.
    Triggers feel awful. They can cause intense physical, emotional, and even visual flashbacks. But once you’ve calmed down, don’t shame yourself. You reacted because your brain was doing its job—trying to keep you safe. Triggers are like smoke alarms; they may be oversensitive, but they exist for a reason.

    3. Become an Investigative Reporter.
    Keep a log. What were you doing, watching, or thinking when the trigger hit? What did you feel? What happened afterward? Over time, patterns emerge. Maybe it’s the sound of sirens or the scent of a certain food. Even if two people experience the same trauma, their triggers are uniquely personal.

    4. Bring Your Insights to Someone Who Can Help.
    Working with a trauma-informed therapist can make all the difference. Bring your log, your questions, your insights. You are the expert on your own experience. A good therapist isn’t there to “fix” you—they’re there to walk beside you, equipped with tools for the journey.

    Herman Melville once wrote in Moby Dick: “To the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee.” He was writing about a man’s obsessive pursuit of a sea monster—but perhaps he was also writing about grappling with the monsters within.

    Living with PTSD is no less heroic.

  • Finding the Land of Oz When Life Blows You Asunder

    I’ve been asked if there are any axioms I use to ground me when life tries to blow me away.  Yes, there are. I use the below axioms all the time when life is sunny. When life gets blustery, I sometimes have to remind myself that they exist.  If I remember and fall back on these axioms, things always turn out for the best.  It might not be the best I would have wanted, but I find myself relatively unscathed or able to bounce back quickly.  Kind of like the wizard in the Oz, The Great and Powerful or another well known film, The Wizard of Oz.

    Restlesswanderer61’s axioms for surviving and thriving:

     1.     The only person I can change is me.

    2.     No matter what life hands me, ultimately I choose how it effects me long term.

    3.     Everyone has the same basic needs, only in different degrees. Love people including myself, even the ones hardest to love.

    4.     Everyone’s behavior is purposeful.  They are the best choices I use or have used (whether healthy or regrettable, knowingly or subconsciously) to find balance. Don’t judge others or myself.

    5.     I am energy at my deepest level and a spiritual being that can connect with anyone and is only limited to the constraints I place around me.  Even if I doubt or don’t believe, I can’t be disconnected from the creator or all of creation. It is no more possible then living without taking in oxygen.

    6.     My brain is a creative and amazing devise. I will strive to develop what is not and prevent my thoughts from running amok.

    7.     People have the most amazing resilience and overcome the incredible horrors. So do I.

    8.     I am not perfect and never will be. There is no such thing as perfect.

    9.     The answers to my problems will ultimately come from me even if I can’t see them currently.

    10.   I have an amazing talent and gift, even when I don’t think so. Everyone has a talent or gift to be tapped to fulfill themselves and the world around them.  Let others shine, take the back seat and clap thunderously at other’s accomplishments no matter how big or small whether I know them or not.

    11.   Never lose my childlike wonder, imagination and desire for play.

    12.   Resistance to issues is futile. Deal with it, don’t repress or pretend it does not exist.

    13.   It’s okay to reach beyond my comfort zone. In fact, I will grow from doing so.

    14.   Strike a balance between being self-absorbed and other-focused.

    15.   There is usually no such thing as the no win scenario. It’s only how to win and what “to win” really means.

    16.   I don’t have to be correct all the time.  Pick my disagreements for when it really matters and let the rest go.

    17.   Everyone has baggage and crap. Mine is no better or worse than someone else’s, only different. Accept it.

    18.   Treat others the way I want them to treat me, even if they don’t.

    19.   Unless I have no food, shelter or loved ones, I have nothing to seriously complain about. My life is fine, no matter what is happening. Be grateful for every person, everything I have and everything that happens to me.

    20.   Be amazed by little things, joyful, laugh often and hard.

    21.   I can make a difference in everyone’s life I meet. Even if it is a small one.

    22.   Have patience. There is a reason things or people are as they are. Watch it unfold and learn.

    23.   Dream big, make goals, explore, learn and strive to make those dreams a reality.

    24.   Be proactive not reactive. This is my life, the only one I have, don’t get to the end and have regrets.  Make each moment count.

    Do you have a list of axioms you follow? If you don’t or are not sure, it might be something to think about. If you have a code you follow that is true, there is no telling the wonderful places it will take you. You are your best and worst enemy. Find balance and find peace not only in times of sun but when the tornado’s in life blows your balloon off course.

  • Creativity: The DNA of Society

    Go ahead and shake  your head but to create is to live. It does not matter if its writing, sculpting, painting, dancing, music, drafting, engineering or finding a new way to make pot roast. We all create. Yes, even those of you saying, I don’t have any talent or a creative bone in my body. Yes, you do. It’s in your code, your DNA.

    Think of what the world would be like if there was no such thing as being creative. You can’t because the world as we know it would not exist. Animals create, plants do and what’s that word… procreate.

    Okay, that’s a stretch. The point is, we all do this, need this and yet so many people are under the impression that “to create” is a frivolousness activity outside productive society. They are wrong.  It is the very fabric of society.

    According to many studies, children who are encouraged to use their imagination, who are involved, exposed to creative endeavors score higher on tests in school and do better at seeing options in life others miss.

    Creative thinking utilizes imagination, exploration of options, reflection and critical thinking skills. In an article, Art in Schools Inspires Tomorrow’s Creative Thinkers, Without the arts, education’s grade is Incomplete,by  Jeffrey Schnapp, he discusses how creativity and the arts are essential to reading, writing and arithmetic. They are all interconnected like the spider’s web, the fabric of life.

    Creative people ask the hard questions such as, how can I get ideas, information and communication from one person to another. What would happen if I stepped aside from the familiar and public confirmatory?  What new thing or idea could I imagine and create?

    Without this, there would be no internet, computers, cell phones, televisions, radios, cars, refrigerators to name thousands of others. Not to mention all the entertainment we use daily from music, television, books and games (like Candy Crush, which I am currently addicted). And don’t forget the photographs, paintings, textiles, clothing, furniture and house styles we use.

    So, tell me, where don’t we use creativity, our talents and the arts? Isn’t it odd that when you look at creativity this way, how silly it seemly to take money away from the creative endeavors in schools and choosing to put kids in competitive venues and watching test scores instead. Wouldn’t it be more beneficial to the individual and society to have balance between the three?

    According to Schnapp, Nazi Germany and the Taliban both tried going the route of eliminating creative thinking and art.  I think we know the rest of their stories.

    My writing coach, fiction, song writer and poet, Melissa Green, runs a non-profit organization in Lancaster, Pennsylvania called, Write from the Heart. Her goal is to inspire the creative spirit and to support those who have encountered resistance or fear when trying to express their creativity through writing. As I meet other writers under her wing, I am often amazed at hearing the insidious ways many were drilled from childhood that being creative was wrong. Being artistic was not appropriate. I, thank goodness, came from a very creative, artistically supportive environment. I can’t imagine growing up in that kind of environment.

    Last evening, Melissa presented a short quote from Hugh Prather’s, I Touch the Earth, The Earth Touches Me.  It is: “There were seventy five people in the lobby and only a seven year old girl was finding out what it felt like to sit on a marble floor.”  At first this seems absurd. But think about this. What if everyone took the time to explore and contemplate the merits of sitting on a marble floor? What if Orville and Wilbur Wright hadn’t explored the merits of travel by air?

    Today, be extra creative! Even if it means putting an extra potato in your pot roast.

  • Repurposing Your Life: Becoming An Improved You!

    I went to the Goodwill store looking for a lamp to re-purpose.  I really enjoy combing through flea-markets and second-hand shops to find elements of objects discarded to make something new. Something I create to be meaningful or purposeful to me.

    I found a lamp, bought it. That afternoon I water colored the shade in hues of green. I realized, this object transformation was symbolic of my life and what I help others do – Re-purpose their lives. Life will always give reasons to step back and ask questions like: What the hell just happened? Why did this happen to me? What am I going to do now? Who am I as a result of this? Re-purposing helps bring answers to those questions.

    My journey with Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) catapulted me into demanding answers to those questions. I didn’t think I could function without them. Luckily, a person does not have to endure severe traumas demanding immediate attention. Anyone can have a desire, a spark to find their authentic self and live a fuller, happier, more balanced life.

    People change slowly over time being enhanced or torn down by life’s challenges. Most appear to view this change as outside themselves. They don’t care or they fear looking inward and asking the hard questions. Finding the answers and stepping out into the great unknown. They accept life as it is. The result is often bitterness, anger and depression. This does not have to be. Life happens, yes, but what you do with it makes all the difference in the world – your world.

    Re-purposing takes time and usually happens in stages. As a person learns more about them self and the universe around them, there is an aha moment. My experience is that this is followed by a stewing process. The mind soaks in the information and applies it to everything it knows. The person acts on their new awareness and then it hits.

    New questions arise! Well, if that’s true, then what about this situation? Why did I act that way when I could have done this?  What else have I believed about life that suddenly is not true? What is truth?  The questions become less about the person and more about the world, the universe and the spiritual.

    It might be helpful to look at the journey in terms of cooking or food. At first, it probably seems similar to peeling off layers of an onion. I picked onion because pealing an onion can bring tears and at times not very pleasant. Thoughts and memories, who we have become over time has built around our core like the layers surrounding the core of the onion.  The larger the onion, the more changes, adaptations or layers a person has developed.

    There should come a time when a person can see beyond the onion metaphor and see layers as welcome opportunities for re-purposing, bringing enrichment to their lives.  Life’s journey now becomes more like layers of string cheese, baklava, lasagna, or some other pleasant concoction you can think of. Not as threatening or uncomfortable if done in moderation. It is good to note, that even with pleasant or desired elements of change, too much too soon can cause distress. I really would not recommend sitting down and eating en entire family size lasagna! All things should be done in moderation, which includes re-purposing.

    After a while, the person may no longer find total enrichment and the questions asked of the self changes again. Using the cooking metaphor, questions might revolve around the concern, how can I improve on this recipe? The types of questions are as vast as the grains of rice in a box of Minute Rice.

    Re-purposing time varies from person to person. Some only strive for feeling slightly better, like putting on a band-aid and waiting. Others, like me, spend a lifetime joyfully exploring, learning and becoming. At this point in my journey, the questions are no longer the ones stated above. Some of my current questions are: Where do I go from here? What does this say about me? How can I turn this into something good for myself and others?

    My lamp is now painted, trimmed and assembled. Another human-made element re-purposed for a new beginning, a new life. Aren’t all our experiences in some way, human-made? It’s up to us to do the re-purposing to make our lives the best they can be.

    I offer a challenge to you. Start re-purposing your life. The results are worth the journey. Below I offer some first steps to get you started. If you would like some help, you can check out my e-mail counseling/coaching services. If you are in the area, make an appointment or attend a class. Have a great journey!

    First Steps to Start Re-purposing Your Life:

    1. Get a notebook or journal.

    2. List as many qualities about yourself as you can think of. Ask others for their impute. What do you think/feel about your list?

    3. List things, people or events where you feel/felt: 1) happy: 2) accomplished: 3) loved: 4) experienced freedom: 5) had fun.  Are there any areas where you had a hard time listing things? Some needs that you are falling short in having fulfilled?

    4. What movies, characters, TV shows, music, artists, books do you relate to? Why?

    5. Make a timeline of your life – the goods, bads, neutrals, accomplishments, regrets. Why did you label these in the categories you placed them? Example: Why is difficulty in 3rd grade math a good thing?

    6. Answer the statement: If I had a magic wand, my life would look like… (be specific). Why would you want the elements you picked?

    7. List and evaluate areas of your life where you feel out of balance or unhappy. Why do feel this way about this area? (Try to be inward focused and not “because he made me…”)

    8. Ask yourself, what role do you play in number 7? We always play a role, even if it is not doing anything.

    9. Continue to ask yourself, what do I really want? (see my blog, Life’s Little Instruction Manual, Healthy Relationships Part 4)

    10. Review everything you have written. See if you are starting to understand who you really are, how you got here, the role you play, and where your life is unbalanced. You can’t formulate any goals on making improvements without this base-level structure.

    Congratulations on taking the first steps in re-purposing your life. Job well done! Drop me a comment and let me know how it’s going!

  • Houston, We Have A Problem

    The oh sh-t moment when life goes from wonderful to dread and we have to act fast. We all have them. Sometimes we handle the situation well and other times, well, we ponder for decades what we could have done differently. Can a person truly be prepared for those problematic moments?

    We are all basically hard wired the same way. Note the word basically. It is rare in life when things are one-hundred percent. There are four things we are programmed to do in emergencies. They are flee, fight, freeze or flop. Pretty easy to understand. To flee is to run away from the situation. To fight is to attack the situation head-on. To freeze is to become paralyzed and not able to do much of anything. To flop is to faint.

    Which of these tactics a person picks may be the same in all emergencies or can change depending on the circumstances. A woman who suddenly has the strength to lift a car off her child (to fight), might not attack an intruder inside her home. Can we know in advance which behavior we will chose?

    Hard to say. The military trains our troops by using repetition. Instilling into them, this is what you do in the following situation. The lives of these people depend upon it. Firefighters, police officers and all other careers where lives are at stake do the same thing. But even then not everyone is able to follow that programming when needed. Why not?

    It comes back to all our past experiences. Those experiences become chemical memories in our brains. When a situation occurs similar to a past situation, the brain compares it and acts based on what worked before. No matter how much training a person has, there are times the old experiences will over-ride the current situation. Why? Because, training that your life is in danger is very different from it truly being in danger.

    Having said that, there are times, sometimes humorously, when our reactions are way off the mark. Like the picture above where the caveman is using a club to put out a fire. The fire extinguisher is right beside him. This is where feelings step in. Fear, panic and anxiety all play a role in how effective we will behave in an emergency.

    Stress produces the same type of reaction. The brain thinks there is a problem. It is either a possible emergency or real emergency and tells us to react. As a result our reactions maybe over the top for the situation. Think about the person who gets road rage because he/she is running late and the person in front is going the speed limit.

    Next time you know you are feeling stressed and you find yourself over-reacting (flee, fight, freeze or flop), try to pull yourself together and regroup before reacting. Good questions would be, why am I reacting this way? Is the danger real? How realistic is my thinking? The one I like the best comes from my husband. He says to me, “I think you are reacting to things not in evidence.” Meaning, I’ve either got the cart before the horse or I believe I know what is going to happen without having a crystal ball.

    None of us have true knowledge of the future but some of us think we do and base much of our choices and behaviors on this illusion. It can’t be done.

    Here’s hoping you have a reaction appropriate day.

  • Zombies Walk Among Us

    They say zombies are the living-dead—soulless husks roaming the earth in search of flesh to satisfy an unholy hunger.

    But I say zombies are the dead-living—those still breathing, still walking, yet hollowed by pain, wandering this world and beyond in search of something to quiet an unrelenting restlessness.

    We think hauntings happen only in places touched by death—houses, graveyards, battlefields.
    But hauntings happen in the mind, too.

    Some people haunt themselves.
    Others are haunted by their everyday reality.
    And then there are those whose haunting was born in unspeakable terror—one that doesn’t fade with the light, but grows stronger after dark, when the vulnerability of sleep sets in.

    This isn’t just restlessness of the body.
    It’s a soul-deep disturbance.
    It whispers at the edges of consciousness, like a ghost speaking through a medium.
    No one else sees it—only the aftershocks etched across a person’s face, voice, choices.

    It’s tempting to run.
    I’ve run.
    I’ve searched shadows, scoured dark corners, tried to flee from the thing inside me.
    But here’s the truth:

    You can’t outrun what lives in you.

    You have to face it.
    Head-on..